I live by the moon cycles. Sometimes it looks and feels as it “should” where I am introspective and winding things down when the moon wanes. I ramp up when the moon is waxing, releasing and feeling totally energized at the full moon. I “should” then be called to plant new seeds and start new projects during the new moon, when she can’t be seen in the sky (shhh, she’s creating!). Usually, the moon comes and goes and I have to be aware of the cycle consciously or I won’t extract the flavor, know what I mean?
This month, with the Full Moon in Sagittarius, I have been on it like white on rice since the New Moon in Taurus. People, I planted them seeds, I have been working on myself by reading, listening to podcasts, and daily journaling, tarot pulls, asana practice along with yoga and teacher training. As a Sag, (Sun sign) I am all about the quest for truth, philosophy, wisdom and of course, religion (Hi Hierophant, I see you as my birth card!). I also know that I don’t like to be hemmed in, I need freedom, I need space to grow, I also need to be better about shoving my foot in my mouth! I didn’t know that I would feel this moon so strongly.
After my last my post, where I shed some skin, I feel positively radiant. While I think that post sloughed away the larger particles, and residue from a skin that no longer looks or feels like me; the ritual I worked alone yesterday brought out this bright polished look – that honestly, who the hell cares if others can’t see it? I can and it’s luminous.
Using Lunar Abundance by Ezzie Spencer, PhD, I skipped ahead to the Full Moon section, and decided that it was time. The chapter has some journal prompts around who’s slighted you, how you may have slighted others, recognizing what you are afraid of, and what you really fear?
After a morning of tarot spreads for the Sagittarius Full Moon by Ethony and then the Many Moons book, it as all there. All that was coming through was around walking away even if you’ve always thought it was right, because it no longer serves, dealing with emotions that arise and revealing long hidden beliefs (read lies) about myself, and surrendering to my edges and not beyond. I was ready to answer these journal prompts honestly, and with a scrupulosity I hadn’t shone on my soul before.
I started to scribble, answering the questions in a rather shallow way. I thought I didn’t have answers, not any that were meaningful. Turned out I had parts of answers, lists of answers, and after 4 pages of the meatiest, scariest, unfurling answers, I had nothing more to say. I folded up the sheets of paper into a small, little square (a visual representation of the metaphorical box I kept all of my shit in. You know, the seemingly good, the bad, and the ugly shit). I grabbed my little cast iron cauldron (yes, I have one), my altar candle, a white pillar that I dressed with rosemary and red glitter (because glitter always wins), and walked out on to my deck and burned it up! As I saw my words crinkle and disappear into white, thin veils of ash, I felt like I was finally letting it go.
For years, I thought I let things go, moved through past hurts, disappointments, embarrassments, and shame. No. I was just picking it up, and setting it down again, over and over as if I was training my muscles to learn to one day hurl it as far away from me as possible. Yesterday, I realized that I didn’t need to practice anymore, I just needed to lose the fear around what happens next.
I share this for those that are going through some inexplicable life shit. Questions, whirlwinds of possible answers, other people’s opinions, feelings of am I doing this life thing right?, and what will people say? These are the resources I used. This is how I did the work. The only way out is through, and although it’s taken me decades, I can finally say, I’m through and ready for the other side, the light side after the long, dark tunnel I kept myself in.
I highly recommend the books I mentioned above. They are transformative, and a guide for those that are a little lost within themselves.
Other books / resources I am knee deep in and have helped in my soul-light-work that I recommend:
- The Places that Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön
- The Secret Power of Yoga: A Woman’s Guide to the Heart and Spirit of the Yoga Sutras by Nischala Joy Devi Yoga
- Tarot for The Wild Soul Podcast by Lindsay Mack
- The Sacred Wheel by Lindsay Mack
- Eastern Body Western Mind by Anodea Judith
- Meditations on the Mat: Daily Reflections on the Path of Yoga by Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison
- Tarot Wisdom: Spiritual Teachings and Deeper Meanings by Rachel Pollack
- These meditations by Jason McGrice: Morning Ritual and Divine Connection
- I also shared a post Meditation for Inner Peace and Calm here on the Tribe Yoga blog.
If you ever want to chat, have questions, I’m here.
To illumination, radiance, and fine polish.