Breaking My Silence

I’ve been to this laptop so many times over the last couple weeks. I have banged on the keys in anger, frustration, and vindication. Only this morning, because I can’t hold anymore, I shared what I am going through on a live Instagram post. Maybe speaking would lift this gag order from my fingertips.

Breaking My Silence Liv Dayal Kaur

I stay silent because I don’t want to offend, even though I am the offended one.

I stay silent because I don’t want to let others know that they’ve hurt me, even though that’s part of the energy exchange. One sets out to hurt, and the other is hurt. Why have I hid my part of that equation?

I stay silent because I don’t think I deserve to speak. Because I’ve never spoken.

I stay silent because if I share, then the truth of it is out. Even though the release from the weight is so sublime.

I stay silent because it’s what I was taught. Even though I don’t teach that to anyone who knows me (unless you count my actions).

I stay silent because confrontation scares me. I revert to a child with no power, no voice, no perspective. Confrontation doesn’t mean yelling and screaming. It means “I do not accept this”.

I stay silent because I didn’t give myself the right to take up space. Even though it is my gift to cherish. I can take up space.

I stay silent because I didn’t want my boys to see their mother freak out. Even though, they should see their mother standing up for herself.

I stayed silent because I didn’t recognize that I was a warrior.

And that warrior, has taken off her blindfold and is ready to stand, shine, and elevate.

There is so much more to come.

Sat Nam.